Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
