Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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