I can't breathe out the right side of my face
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
