If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
