My nipple is on Facebook.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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