hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize