i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
