I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
