I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize