if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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