im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
