A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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