Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
