I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
