between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
