I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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