Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
