Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
