He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
