I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Soap is not a condiment
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
