She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
