holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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