I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
