So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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