you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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