Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
