just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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