i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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