you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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