Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
