I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
my liver is dry heaving
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
