the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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