I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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