He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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