if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
