Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
