Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
