If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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