If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
