she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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