you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
