Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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