Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
