Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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