There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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