The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
