I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
