Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
