the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
