i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
