and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
