I'm eating all of the evidence.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
