I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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