lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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