My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
