Sry I called you an 8
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
