Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
the room spins SO much faster in panama
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
