I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
