I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
