I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Randomize
