"it" just moved
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
