If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
