i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
