do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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