mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
