i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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