I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
