It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
