I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
