Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
