we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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