he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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