I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
