If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Sorry about my life...
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
