It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just threw up on my dentist
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
