she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
