I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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